The Kiss

Elaine: This is the pair.
Ally: You think?
Elaine: Absolutely. They're tight enough to give you form. But they don't flatten. You see how it both lifts and rounds? Plus, you got some room in the thighs so it doesn't look sprayed on. Oh, yes! This is the pair.

Richard: Oh, the perks! I'm blinded. What's going on?
Elaine: Ally has her first date tonight with Cheanie.
Richard: Oh, and this is how you practice? That's great!
Ally: I'm deciding what to wear, Richard. What do you want.
Richard: Nothing. I came in because of the smell. I could smell the denim. All the from one pair of pants? I can't believe it. Oh, oh! That's why!
Ally: Denim doesn't smell.
Richard: Hm. Fine. Suit yourself.



Georgia: What are you doing?
Ally: Oh, um, Richard said that denim smells. Denim doesn't smell, does it?
Georgia: No. No, it doesn't.
Ally: Oh, uh, we, we knew that. We were just...
Georgia: Double checking?
Ally: Yeah, um, did you want something, Georgia?
Georgia: Yes, actually. I want you. I'm representing Barbara Cooker, the anchorwoman. Have you heard about this trial?
Ally: Yeah. You're representing her?
Georgia: Trial starts tomorrow.
Ally: "You" are trying that case?
Elaine: She's a pretty good litigator, Ally. Plus, I hear that the partners at her firm thinks it helps to have a woman do the sex-discrimination cases. I hear.
Georgia: Anyway, I want you as my co-counsel.
Ally: Me?
Elaine: Her?
Ally: What?
Elaine: Nothing.
Ally: Why me?
Elaine: Because the lawyer defending the station is Jack Billings.
Ally: The Jack Billings?

Ally: Hey!

Georgia: Yeah. I think you're being at my table might distract him a little. Plus, you know his rhythms.
Ally: Oh, I don't know.
Elaine: Really?
Georgia: Oh, come on. Don't you want to get this guy? The press will be covering it. You can get even in public.
Ally: Oh, I would love that.
Elaine: How is the case?
Georgia: The case is great. They should be settling. We have an interoffice smoking gun memo saying she should be fired for looking too old. I don't even know why they're going to trial.

Richard: You two, co-counsel?
Ally: Jackie boy loses focus when it turns into sport. And my being at the table, I think it could work.
Richard: Yeah, it's just that I have concerns about the match here. I mean, I realize you two share similar DNA, but it's Billy's!
Ally: Georgia and I are adults. We're attorneys.　And we're friends. And we will be able to work together, whether you're able to picture it or not, Richard!
Richard: Fine.　I see the picture perfectly.

Chapter 2

Billy: I think it's wrong. A lawyer just doesn't jump into a lawsuit the day before the trial.
Ally: I'll be second-chairing.
Billy: It doesn't matter. When you walk into a courtroom and say you're ready for trial, you should be ready.
Richard: I don't see a problem.
Billy: Richard!
Ally: Maybe it's just because you oppose my co-counseling a case with your first wife.
Billy: I beg your pardon?
Richard: Bygones.
Billy: What did that mean, first wife?
Ally: A joke. Huh.
Billy: Huh?
Richard: Bygones. Do it.

Renee: There's nothing wrong with ???. It has nothing to do with Billy unless you're taking the case because it does have something to do with Billy, in which case I would have a problem.
Ally: Billy isn't a factor.
Renee: Well, there you go.
Ally: Do you think it'd be bad to cancel the date with Ronald Cheanie?
Renee: Tonight's date?
Ally: I have a trial in the morning, and I don't know... Oh, God.
Renee: Reschedule it. He'll understand.
Ally: I can't really reschedule it until he calls me. He may not call me until the end of the day. I don't know if it'd be kind of rude to cancel on such short notice.
Renee: Why can't you call him?
Ally: I can't call him. Rule number 5. To call is to pursue, and to purse makes you look too interested. And then it makes him desire you less. It's all right there in the book, Renee.
Renee: The Rules. You read this?

Elaine: This is the Cooker pleadings.
Renee : So, you're not going to call this guy to blow him off, because it's going to make you look too interested?
Elaine : That book really works, Renee.
Renee : I bet you use it.
Elaine : And men drip off of me.
Renee: Don't talk to a man first. Don't meet him halfway. Don't see him more than once?
Elaine: It's not about getting a date. It's about getting a husband.
Ally: Elaine.
Renee: I don't see any husband dripping off of you.
Elaine: If I wanted a husband, I could just snap my fingers.
Renee: Well, that would be against the Rules, wouldn't it? You'd look like a pursuer.
Elaine: Correct!
Ally: All right! Thank you, Elaine.
Elaine: I see where you get your snappishness.

Renee: Ally, what is this?
Ally: I'm scared. Okay, I'm scared. The first date scares me.
Renee: Come on! You've already kissed this guy!
Ally: It wasn't a kiss. It wasn't a real kiss. It was more like a demonstration. I didn't even have to do any kissing back. My lips just sort of stood their ground.
Ally : Whoof, you're right. He's probably going to consider it a kiss, which means he's probably figuring on kissing me again tonight, and technically, this is our first date and you shouldn't kiss a guy on the first date. You, you just shouldn't.
Renee : You really like this guy.
Ally : I don't know.
Renee : All right. Just go out for drinks. Go to the bar. You'll probably run into some friends that help dilute the pressure. I could, you know, be there, perhaps...
Ally : Would you?
Renee : If you want, Ally. But this...

Ally: I know she's right. It's just whenever I make a fool of myself, I feel better if I can blame it on the research.

Chapter 3


JACK: The memo came from a lower-level executive.
Georgia: That's the defense you can make at trial.
Jack: Thank you. Would you mind ??? finish my thoughts?
Georgia: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you saw them to the conclusion.
Ally: Georgia 's pretty good. There're so many reasons to hate her.
Jack: The memo is a bomb. If it gets admitted as evidence, my client will be denied any chance for a fair trial.
Georgia: The memo says what happened. Your client fired Ms Cooker because of her look.
JACK: If you could show this thing was a factor, I'd say I admitted it. But you can't. A jury won't bother with the distinction. They'll see the smoke coming from ??? and make up their mind, and that'll be it.
Judge: Mr Billings, I understand your displeasure. But as bombs go, I think you would agree this one would be a more relevant variety.
Jack: Also more prejudicial.
Judge: Your motion is denied. See you all tomorrow.

Ms Cooker: So the memo comes in?
Ally: Yes, they should offer something now.

Jack: How are you doing, Ally? It's good to see you again.
Ally: Thank you.
Jack: I'll probably have a dream about you tonight. You might wanna sue me in advance.
Ally: You know, that's very funny, Jack, because I had a feeling the other day that you and I might get together and that's exactly where it took place. In your dreams.
Ms Cooker: Is this normal negotiating?
Georgia: Ally's job is to keep him on tilt.

Chapter 4

Vonda: I'm so in love with you...
ALLY: (The first dance is critical. I never start off close. It gives me no place to go. A dance is basically foreplay. First, there's the smile. Then the laugh. The right kind of laugh can make a man feel interesting and funny. And, and that's what guys love most in women. Somebody who makes them feel engaging. I'm not listening to a word he says, and, and he's not hearing anything I say. He, he's got two questions: "Does she like me? And will my mother like her?" Mothers love me. He is cute. Okay, this is the part where you just hold his eyes, look all right at him, give him a sense of progress. I think I'll nestle him in now. Let him smell me. Little smile, little sniff. It's so easy.)

Ally: I realize that 40 is ancient, still but it's probably a cost thing. I mean they have to start putting more makeup on her. And the overtime adds up. Trust me. And I don't know. I mean she's good-looking. Maybe it's a cost thing.
Ronny: Why are you talking so fast?
Ally: Me?
Ronny: Yeah.
Ally: What? Really? I don't know. Why?
Ronny: Well, you... You seem a little nervous.
Ally: Oh, well, I do get nervous at the end of dates, because... (Make up something. Lie!)
The word "end" reminds me of the word "beginning. " Word association.
And "beginning" reminds me of how the Earth began. That all reminds me of the time I flunked a science test because I wrote down, "big bang," but not knowing the teacher was really religious. And that's why I talk fast.
Ronny: You probably gotta call it a night if you have trial tomorrow.
Ally: Yeah. (I can give him a little kiss. Nothing slutty in that.)
Ronny: The case's getting some publicity. Is that making you nervous?
Ally: (I'm nervous about what you're gonna do. Speed it up.) A little.
Ronny: Well, I had a really great time.
Ally: Me too.
Ronny: Okay. Good night.
Ally: Night. (Finally!)
VONDA SINGS: Oh, no, you'll be deceived. Is it in his eyes? Oh, no, he'll make believe. If you want to know. If he loves you so. It's in his kiss.
ALLY: (What was that?) Thanks.
Ronny: Sure.
Ally: (He pecked me? I laughed, we danced close, I let him sniff. He pecks me?)

Chapter 5

Renee : Now, how does Jell-O help?
Ally : I don't know. It just does. When I eat Jell-O I feel better. Don't ask me to reduce it to a science.
Renee: You could've kissed him. It would've broken the Rules, of course. But here's a flash, Ally. Some guys are shy.
Ally: I let him smell me.
Renee: Well, maybe he didn't want to come off too interested. Maybe there's another bunch of stupid Rules out there for men. This is the problem with playing games. Somebody's got to lose at it.
Ally: I really really hope he calls me today so I just can hang up on him.
Renee: You had a great date.
Ally: I don't care! He kissed me before. We, we were dancing close. I mean, most men would have asked to sleep with me. But no, what he did was rude!
Renee : Sleep with you?
Ally : Well, I wouldn't have said yes. But still. What? He can't be a man and just paw me a little? I am a sexual object, for God's sake. He couldn't give me a little grope?

Georgia: How long have you been anchoring at WKZN?
Ms. Cooker: Eleven years.
Georgia: And during that time, you've received various awards, did you not?
Ms. Cooker: Yes, seven local news Emmys, I received a Peabody Award. But this isn't about job performance.
Georgia: Ms. Cooker, I show you this interoffice memo dated March 3rd. Who is the author? Does it appear on the document?
Ms. Cooker: George Micklehead, he's the station superintendent.
Georgia : And would you please read for the court the highlighted section?
Ms. Cooker : "Crunching the demos, only six percent of the eighteen to thirty-year-old men would care to sleep with her. The number is only slightly higher for the eighteen to forty-five group. Basically, the only men who get a rise out of her are no longer capable of rising."
Georgia: How does it make you feel to read that?
Ms Cooker: It hurts.

Jack: Do you think it's wrong to make a personnel decision based on appearance?
Ms Cooker: I think it's wrong to fire someone because you think they look too old.
Jack: You do? Suppose I'm a television producer casting a movie and I needed a young 30-ish sexy lady?
Ms Cooker: We're not talking about television movies. We're talking about the news.
Jack: I see. So you predicate your position on the premise that television news and television entertainment are two different things all together?
Ms Cooker: Yes.
Jack: The decisions that go into making television news have nothing to do with entertainment?
Ms Cooker: I didn't say that.
Jack: Well, say it if you believe it.
Ms. Cooker : Obviously, news programming has been perverted by the need to get ratings. I won't deny it.
Jack : If it bleeds, it leads. We've all heard that one. And sex. The news loves to sell sex these day, too, isn't that true, Ms. Cooker?
Ally : I think we should object.
Georgia : She can handle herself.
Ms. Cooker : I realize that news shows need to be arresting, exotic, and even sexy. And it always helps to have a pretty face up there. But that still doesn't make it right to fire a person whose job performance is beyond reproach simply because her face begins to show a wrinkle or two.
Jack: But why not? What if you are interviewed for this job and they said, "Sorry, we're looking for someone younger"? Would that be okay?
Ms Cooker: Yes.
Jack: So they could hire based on youth but cannot fire based on lack of youth?
Ms Cooker: That's right.
Jack: Where's the distinction?
Ms Cooker: Well, the distinction is that if someone already has a job and they're doing it well, you shouldn't be able to fire them because of age. That's ageism.
Jack: Here's a picture of you when they hired you. Isn't it possible that part of the criteria was this pretty face and this youthful appearance? Couldn't that have been part of what the station was looking for, Ms Cooker?
Ms Cooker: Yes, when I was...
Jack : In fact, the woman you replaced, she was older, wasn't she?
Ms. Cooker : Yes.
Jack : Good looks and youth cut in your favor 15 years ago, didn't they, Ms. Cooker?
Ms. Cooker : That doesn't make it right.
Jack : But you didn't object then. In fact, you participated in the ageism then by taking the job. And here you sit today. Isn't that wretched hypocrisy, Ms. Cooker?
Georgia and Ally: Objection!
Jack: Let the record reflect that two size 4s objected. I wonder how they got their jobs.
Georgia and Ally: Objection!

Chapter 6

Georgia : I still can't believe it!
Ally : I should have seen it coming. It was vintage Billings.
Georgia : He argued age discrimination.
Renee: I'd put her back up there.
Georgia: Don't worry.

Ally: If that's him, I'm not home.
Georgia: Who?
Renee: Oh, come on! I'm not gonna lie.
Ally: I'm not here for him.
Georgia: Pizza's here. Who?
Renee: You want him, Ally.
Ally: I don't.
Georgia: Who?
Ally: Cheanie. The guy's totally gay!

Ally: Hey, I knew you were there. Hahaha.
Ronny: Is that why you don't return my phonecalls because you think I'm gay?
Ally: No! I don't. I'm in trial. It's this trial and I'm...
Ronny : Ally, I came here to get the truth.
Renee : Just kiss her.
Ally : Renee! She's a jokester.
Renee: I gotta go.
Ronny: That must be why we're all laughing.
Ally: Ronny, I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of... Could we talk tomorrow? Could you just be patient? And I could explain everything. And please, please. Tomorrow?
Ronny: Why can't you explain it now?
Ally: Please? Tomorrow? I'm in the middle... I'm in trial. And you... And please, tomorrow.
Ronny: Okay. Fine.

Ally: Why did you do that?
Renee: Because I was gonna watch you go through your typical mating dance where you always wind up mateless.
Ally: What mating dance?
Renee: You know, the: "I don't really have time now. It's complicated. I really just can't go into it. It's just, it's just... What's the word? I'm alone. That's it. I'm alone. There's nobody else in the room. I'm all by myself. Oh, I'm in the kitchen now. Alone. Hello, pot. Hello, pan." Alone. Mateless.

Ally: (It was stupid to try to date and litigate in the same week. It's too confusing. Cheanie will probably side with the merits of our case, and I'll get asked out by the jury.)

Chapter 7

Ms Cooker: But that doesn't mean I failed to recognize the cosmetic reality of television news.
Georgia: And if you do, then why shouldn't the station be allowed to make a cosmetic change?
Ms Cooker: It's wrong if it's based solely on cosmetics. I had a deal with these people. A contract.
Georgia: And they are willing to honor the financial terms of that contract.
Ms. Cooker : Paying me off to walk away isn't honoring the terms. It's not honor at all. I turned away previous offers from competitors who sought to steal me away because I felt I had a fiduciary relationship with this station and with these people. I had a duty of good faith and I honored it.

Jack: Honor, good faith, fiduciary. Do these words have any real meaning in TV news?
Ms Cooker: I think they do and should.
Jack: These are things a court of law should try to enforce?
Ms. Cooker : "Good Faith" is a component of every contract, Mr. Billings.
Jack : So we say, but let's take the contract to its most organic, to marriage. The court won't go near enforcing fidelity or "Good Faith"in marriage contracts.
Georgia : Objection! It's not a domestic case.
Jack : No, but come on. This plaintiff's asking the court to jump in and enforce fidelity? In TV news?
Judge : You seem to have gotten off the beaten path, Mr. Billings.
Jack : I'm not so sure, Your Honor. Are you married, Ms. Cooker?
Georgia : Objection!
Judge : Short leash, Counsel.
Jack: Ms. Cooker, married?
Ms Cooker: Divorced.
Jack: Since I'm on a short leash, shortcut right to it. Your husband left you for a younger woman, didn't he?
Ms Cooker: Yes.
Jack: And that hurt, didn't it a lot?
Georgia: Objection.
Judge: Sustained.
Jack: Ms. Cooker, is it possible that this suit against my client... Being replaced by a younger woman has more to do with your anger against your husband?
Ms Cooker: No. That's not true.
Jack: Being dumped by a younger model once is not gonna let it happen twice.
Georgia and Ally: Objection.
Jack: Speaking of younger models...
Georgia and Ally: Objection!

Richard: Ladies, how was court today?
Ally: Sucked. Is there anybody in there who's gonna jump out at me?
Elaine: No. While you have a few seconds, I have some thoughts on why Cheanie may not have wanted to kiss you.
Ally: I think I'm finding my niche. Losing cases that can't be lost.
Georgia: ??? losing it.
Ally: We are just gonna have to hope the jury hates Jack Billings as much as we do, if that's possible. Where is Barbara?
Elaine : She is in the unisex bathroom. I think she's a little upset with how things are going.
Ally : Oh, well, that will change. They're going to have to put their people up, and I'm going to have to get them. Now it's our turn.

Chapter 8

Ronny: Uh, is she in, Elaine?
Elaine: Yeah, she is, but may I just say something before you go in?
Ronny: I suppose.
Elaine: Ally is a very important friend of mine. And if you're really interested in her, that's one thing. But if you're just after a few cheap thrills, you'll have to go through me.
Ronny:Well, I, I can appreciate that.

Elaine: I was just about to tell you.
Ally: Ronny, now is not a good time.
Ronny: What I've got to tell you takes two seconds.
Ally: No.
Ronny: Two seconds!
Ally: There are people in my office.
Ronny: I don't know what's going on.
Ally: If you called today, I swear I was gonna return.
Ronny: Well, that's very nice to know, but what I need to say to you... I have to say it in person.
Ally: All right. I'm, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, I, I, I was just being stupid and insecure because, well, since you didn't kiss me the other night, I, I got insecure, and I thought maybe you didn't want to see me anymore. I'm sorry.
Ronny: Oh, okay.
Ally: So can we wipe it clean?
Ronny: Uh, No. Actually, I think your instincts were, were correct.
Elaine: He is gay.
Ally: Back off, Elaine! What, what do you mean my instincts were correct?
Ronny: I, I, uh, I don't think I should see you anymore.
Ally: What?
Ronny: I still don't think you and I are gonna work out.
Ally: Oh. Um, okay. Okay, that's uh... Probably, that's best.
Ronny: Well, I said it would just take a couple of seconds, so... Goodbye, I guess.
Ally: Yeah, bye.
Ronny: Bye.

Chapter 9

Ally: Billy, hello.
Billy: What's wrong?
Ally: What? Nothing.
Billy: Ally, what's the matter?
Ally: Ronald Cheanie. He dumped me.
Richard: He's leaving the whole firm, or just you?
Billy: Out!
Richard: Yeah, absolutely. Let me just say in times like these...
Billy: Now!
Richard: Maybe I can still catch him.
Billy: Are you okay?
Ally: Why don't men like me?
Billy: Are you crazy? Men love you. They go nuts for you.
Ally: Only until they get to know me.
Billy: I got to know you, Ally, and I fell in love with you. Remember?
Ally: Yeah. And you left, remember?
Billy: Ally, trust me. Knowing you is not a deterrent to loving you. Okay?
Ally: Sometimes I just-- All I ever wanted was to be rich, to be successful and to have three kids and a husband who was waiting at home for me and would at night tickle my feet, and... Look at me. Look at how I've-- I don't even like my hair.

Chapter 10

Station: Today, sadly, when we look for an anchorperson, we probably shop more for a model than a journalist.
Jack: Is there a reason for this trend?
Station: A big one. The public.
Jack: Could you explain?
Station: It's not a terribly patriotic thing to say, but uh...
Jack: You can say it, sir.
Station: Okay. We're a stupid country.
Jack : America?
Station : Land of idiots. The average viewer's attention span is that of a gnat. Hong Kong becomes a free nation. If we give it more than a minute coverage, women flip over to Channel Two to see whether Madonna has bleached her roots. And men, sports, homicides, sex crimes...Anybody follow O.J.?
Jack : Well, that sounds pretty cynical, sir.
Station : It doesn't make me feel happy. That woman right there? The finest TV journalist I've ever worked with. Ever! Unfortunately, there wasn't enough buzz on the Internet about wanting to see her naked. It's putrid. I got so frustrated I sent a proposal down to our board of directors, suggesting that we lose anchors altogether and replace them with talking breasts. The proposal was voted down 11 to 9. Land of idiots!

Ally : But you're not like that?
Station : No, I'm not.
Ally : You know better than the rest of the village.
Station : Well, I know for a fix of profundity not to tune into Jerry Springer.
Ally : But you're the one who fired Barbara Cooker.
Station: We're a consumer business, Ms McBeal. If the people don't watch, we're out of that business.
Ally: That sounds so logical I'm tempted to give up right here.
Station: I've been tempted to give up myself.
Ally: Yes, poor you.
Judge: All right.
Ally : You mentioned Jerry Springer. People watch him. Why not use him as your anchorman?
Station : Because I have disc problems in my lower back. I can only stoop to a certain level.
Ally : Jerry Springer would be a stoop?
Station : No, not if we wanted to cover amputee transvestites kissing midgets in order to make their mothers jealous. But if you want a modicum of integrity in your broadcasts...
Ally : And, and if the people wanted to see the kind of person that you just described, you do draw lines?
Station : Yes.
Ally : But you chose not to draw the line when it came to ageism? And if the public let you know that they didn't want a black anchor, the customer would win?
Station : No, I'm not a bigot.
Ally : Ageism is a bigotry.
Station : Well, maybe it is. But it's unconscionable to prefer a race or skin color. It isn't to want a prettier or younger face.
Ally : So, now you're defending the public.
Station : No, no.
Ally : Oh, no, no, no, wait. No. The idiots.
Station: No, I'm not. What I'm saying, though not me, I can see how others may want to see beauty on the screen. As a pragmatic person who has to keep a news show in business, sometimes I have to compromise to the public's whim.
Ally: So you've made a big compromise firing her.
Station: Creatively, yes.
Ally: And this woman who served you for 15 years, turned down more lucrative offers of other stations, only to be fired now. She also made a very big compromise, didn't she?
Station: It's a cruel world. But also it's the real world.
Ally: I object to that, Your Honor. I object to people who, every time they do something scummy, blame it on the environment.
Judge: Well, I don't think that's an objection I can rule on, but I believe you've made your point.

Georgia: You were great! You got us right back in the game.
Ally: You think?
Georgia: I know it. I was watching the jury. They don't like him.
Jack : Girls..still looking well.
Georgia : Don't be smug, Jackie. She just scored in there and you know it. The jury likes her. You, they'd like to come at with a meat hook. I'd put up some serious money fast. The tables are turning!
Ally: Georgia!
Georgia: I think you should close.
Ally: What?
Georgia: The jury likes you. You definitely go in with more momentum than me. You close.

Chapter 11

Ally: (When I'm strong in court, I feel strong in general. I like to take advantage of my strong periods. I can do certain things I wouldn't ordinarily have the strength to do.) Yes, Ronald Cheanie, please. Well, interrupt him. Tell him it's Ally McBeal calling.

Ally: Big fan of the truth, not gonna walk away until you get it? Well, same with me. I'm gonna squat right here until you give it to me. (That, that didn't come out the way I meant.)
Ronny: Could you excuse us for a second, Shelly?
Ally: This office is too big, by the way. You could put a Porsche in here. I have no doubt you probably own one.
Ronny: Are you ON something?
Ally: I'm on adrenaline. Between this trial and you, I've had a man-hating week. I'd be a fool to waste it. Why did you dump me? I demand to know. This isn't funny, Ronny.
Ronny: I know. It's just that the stuff that comes out of you makes me fall even more.
Ally: What do you mean, "fall even more"?
Ronny: I just can't stop thinking about you.
Ally: This is a trick.
Ronny: It's not a trick. I've never met anybody like you. We've been on one date, really, and already I could see myself falling in love.
Ally: Falling in... Then why you, you said you didn't want to see me anymore. That's not a normal thing to say for somebody who's falling in love. I mean... What is going on here?
Ronny: Your favorite book, Henderson The Rain King?
Ally: Yeah.
Ronny: You identifying with Henderson, a guy going around saying, "I want. I want. I want. I want."
Ally: Yeah.
Ronny: Well, that makes for an interesting character, Ally. And when you print your life story, I'll be waiting in line at the bookstore. But for a partner? I don't know if I want to sign up with a person who knows she's gonna be wanting forever.
Ally: Ronny, I was making conversation. We were dancing. I was just saying that so you would know that I read books.
Ronny: No. That's just you all over, Ally. The day you stop wanting is the day you begin to die. You go through people. You'll go through me.
Ally: That is just, just, just so...
Ronny: True.
Ally : So what, so what are you saying? That I'm, I'm the kind of person that can never be happy?
Ronald : I think you'll know more happiness than most. You just won't be content.
Ally : (He's doing this on purpose. Renee's right. There's probably a book of rules for men and he's read it!) So, um, are you saying this, because you want me to deny it? To make me want you more? ('Cause it's working.)
Ronald : I'm saying this because you are a great lady. And I don't want to spend my life feeling overmatched.
Ally : (That's the most flattering thing anybody's ever said to me.) You coward!
Ronny: Excuse me?
Ally: You want some Stepford girl with her own matching apron set. Fine. She's out there waiting. ??? If you want me, you gotta go for it, because I'm "it".

Chapter 12

Georgia: You said that?
Ally: Yes.
Georgia: Oh, no...
Ally: I said it.
Georgia: Oh...
Ally: Oh what? Is that too bold for you, Ms. "Grab The Opposing Counsel's Butt"?

Billy: Georgia.
Georgia: Hey, honey.
Billy: Gonna be late?
Georgia: Not too. We're just going over the summation.
Billy: I gather. Doing better?
Ally: Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
Billy: I'll uh... I'll be in my office.
Georgia: Okay.

Ally: Hey.
Georgia: What? Okay, where do we start?
Ally: This morning on the elevator, when we were both thinking about nothing, my nothing was Cheanie. What was yours?
Georgia: Maybe this case.
Ally: What about this case?
Georgia: I don't know.
Elaine : I, I think for both of you, this trial could be unsettling. You both fall into the "pretty" category, just like Barbara Cooker. And it could be disconcerting to realize that suddenly everything you think you are can just disappear with a wrinkle.
Ally : Thank you for clearing that up, Elaine.
Elaine : Personally, from my standpoint, I think you both have a lot more going for you than looks.
Ally : This is the assistant they give me to ease my day.
Georgia : Yeah. It would be a lot easier to laugh her off if she wasn't a little on the mark. We both get mileage out of our looks.
Ally : And?
Georgia : It's temporary.
Ally : Are you afraid of getting older?
Georgia : I, I'm afraid of growing out of what my husband fell in love with. At least, partly. Afraid of not measuring up to whatever my senior partners saw in me.
Ally : You, you don't really believe that.
Georgia : No. No, I don't. But I don't think Barbara Cooker ever did either. We've got to win this case for peace of mind and nothing else.

Chapter 13

Assistant: Richard, I need a signature...
Richard: I spoke to Ronald Cheanie last night, and I am wrought.
Ally: You're "wrought"?
Richard: He said there may be an intolerable working relationship with this firm. He said you squatted for the truth. Ally...
Ally: Relax, because Ronny called me this morning and we're going out on a date tonight to see "what if?"
Richard: Wow! That's wonderful. I'm thrilled for you.
Ally: I knew you would be. I gotta get to court.
Richard: Ally, you were there to help me with Whipper. I'd like to give you something. Love. It's an equation. A "me," a "you," derives a "we. " It's that simple.
Ally: I'll try to remember that.
Richard: What I'm saying is that the foundation for any "we" is a "me," and if the "me" is still a work in progress, then, for God's sake, don't start constructing the "we. "
Ally: What are you saying, Richard? I need work?
Richard: I say it because I care.

Richard: Parenting is nothing if not selfless.
Elaine: That's a Fishism.
Richard: Yes, it is.

Ally: Of course, looks count. Nobody's saying they don't. She's an on-camera anchor. Looks have to count. And look. Look at her. This is an attractive woman, and, the defendant admits, admits, was the finest journalist they had. And they cut her loose because not enough people wanted to see her naked. The justification? The public. America. The "land of idiots." (People do read Entertainment Weekly.) I don't know. What I do know is that we have a sampling of the public right here in this jury box. So you tell us. They fired an Emmy Award-winning anchor on the premise that the public is a bunch of idiots who would rather see Playboy models covering amputee transvestites kissing midgets. Well, I'm sorry that, if that's how they regard the public, if that's what they think of you and you and you and you and you, then I guess we shouldn't be too surprised that they disregarded Barbara Cooker. You're the public. Be heard.

Jack: She didn't get fired for being old. She was discharged because she was no longer capable of performing the functions of her job. Like it or not, in this day of remote control and five zillion channels, one function of the anchorwoman is to be physically arresting. Pretty enough to make the channel surfer stop right there and say, "Ooh. "
Ally: (There's only one word to describe this guy.)
Jack: The job is different today. The job function is different.
Ally: (As for the stuff he's saying...)
Jack: It's a reality. Do I like it? Am I happy to be living in a world that prioritizes beauty over content? Look at me. I was the fat boy who had to take his own sister to the prom.
Ally: (And I bet he tried to cop a feel.)
Jack: I have acquired a mustache because my friends told me the more face I could cover, the better. But that's the real world. In every walk of life, lawyers, journalists, secretaries, pudgy teenagers looking to get one lousy date, looks matter. You want to punish my client for that reality? I suppose you could. But they're not responsible. And you know that.

Chapter 14

Ms Cooker: Now what?
Georgia: We wait.
Ms Cooker: Any guess to how long they'll be out?
Jack: Ladies! Nice touch with the public bit.
Ally: Oh, thanks, Jack. The "big fat prom-boy" thing? That was good too.
Jack: It felt right. Listen. The palms are getting sweaty on my side. They're willing to offer four.
Ally: Four hundred?
Jack: No, four dollars. Take it or leave it.
Ally: Four hundred thousands?
Jack: Sealed. No admission of guilt.
Ally: (Take it.) Your offer is rejected.
Jack: I beg your pardon? Don't you have to ask her?
Ally: Oh, oh, yeah. Did you want it? (Say yes.)
Ms Cooker: Do you think I should?
Ally: No.
Jack: What?
Ally: Okay, yes.
Ms Cooker: No.
Ally: What?
Ms Cooker: Your instincts said no. I'll go with that.
Ally: My instincts?
Georgia: Mine too.
Jack: You're turning down four hundred thousand dollars?

Richard: I can't believe it! How? How? This has got to be more than this case is worth! I'm, I'm just...
Elaine: Wrought.
Georgia: I think the jury was with us. Ally gave a great closing. Billing's was not sympathetic. Ally, why are you looking so blue?
Ally: Because we turned down so much on my instincts. I have bad instincts.
Elaine: That's not true. You were right about Cheanie wanting to dump you.
Richard: Could I have a second alone with Ally, please?
Elaine: I'm very helpful in these situations.
Richard: Just the same.

Richard: Ally, you know, it's not my style to care about this, but what is going on?
Ally: What do you mean what's going on?
Richard: I mean, you just turned down an offer like that. You're personalizing the thing. What is this about?
Ally: Do you ever worry about winding up alone?
Richard: I'm alone now, but I've got Whipper.
Ally: Is that some sort of Fishism?
Richard: Well, sort of. Everybody's alone, Ally. It's just easier to take in a relationship.
Ally: Well, see, I, I don't believe that. I believe everybody is half of a whole, and that... I know it sounds kind of... What's the word for it?
Richard: Uh, is that silly?
Ally: No. No, not silly. And not sorry, either. The people who just give in to loneliness, the people who just accept that, those are the sorry ones. And the people who are strong, the people who stand up for what they believe in and chase their hearts, those are the ones who end up like, like Barbara Cooker. I see this tough woman smart, unflinching, uncompromising, unhappy...
Billy: Hey.
Ally: I was talking about Barbara Cooker. Not me. I was not talking about me. Who said anything about me?
Billy: I don't know.
Richard: Say something nice about Cheanie, would you?

Billy: Hey.
Ally: Hey.
Billy: So, Cheanie's back on?
Ally: I don't know if it's good or bad. This guy has me so confused. We go on a non-date, and he kisses me. And then we go on a real date, he doesn't. He wants in one minute...
Billy: Do you want in?
Ally: Yeah. (Why do I feel unfaithful for saying that?)
Billy: You want my advice?
Ally: Sure. You've never let me down before.
Billy: If you want this guy to stick around for a while, if he goes to kiss you, kiss him back.
Ally: That's terrible advice. What? Put out or lose out?
Billy: That's not what I mean.
Ally: What do you mean?
Billy: I mean, if memory serves me, if you kiss him, he may not stay forever. But he won't be running off quick.
Ally: A person isn't a good kisser, Billy. It takes two to... The jury's back.

Chapter 15

Ally: I can always tell when something big is about to happen, whether it's gonna be good or bad, I can always tell. I can always feel it coming along.
Ms Cooker: Which will it be?
Ally: That, I can't tell.
Judge: Has the jury reached its verdict?
Juror: We have.
Judge: What say you?
Juror: In the matter of Cooker versus WKZN Television, we find for the plaintiff and order the defendant to pay damages in the amount of $930,000.

Georgia: One juror guy said instead of a mustache he should have grown a beard.
Ms Cooker: It's not as good as getting my job back, but as consolations go...
Georgia: Hey, are we gonna be dancing?
Billy: Absolutely, but first I have to pee.
Georgia: Oh, that is so romantic.
Ronny: I think I'm gonna join him. It doesn't mean that I'm gay.
Ally: Shut up.
Ms Cooker: Well, we did it.
Georgia: We did it!
Ally: You might get hired by some other station now.
Ms Cooker: Maybe.
Georgia: I wouldn't be surprised.
Ally: I saw the news coverage of the trial. You were lit great in court.
The Dancing Twins: Hey, Ally!
Ally: Uh-oh.
Georgia: What?

Ally: (I'm getting so healthy. I can double-date with them. My stomach doesn't hurt. And I actually like who's dancing with me. Who says I'll end up alone?)
VONDA SINGS: Or is it in his face? Oh, no, it's just his charm. In his warm embrace? Oh, no, that's just his arms. If you want to know. If he loves you so it's in his kiss. Oh, it's in her kiss.